And He Is Off....

I just can't believe it... I just can't get it through my thick head!! My baby, my angel, my only child is in Kindergarten!! How did this happen? How did he grow up so quickly and righ before my eyes?? Have I really been blind to it for the last 5 years? I just can't understand this....

After weeks and weeks of him telling us he is NOT going to be in kindergarten and he wants to go back to pre-school, he proudly told me that he was a big boy and he could walk into school all by himself today and didn't need anyone to go with him!!!

WWWWAAAHHHH!!! I started crying right then and there... I didn't even get to pull away from the curb (yes that was another thing - he wanted to be dropped off in the car line - and not walked to the front door) before the tears started flowing!!! And not just a little teary eyed... I was completely blurred. I just can't believe that he is there.. he is so independent and wants to do it all on his own!!!

I am so proud of him!!

I love you Logan!!! Mommy loves you!!!!

Here We Go Again!!

Well, I can't believe it - but after a 3 year hiatus we are back on the TTC track again... I am really excited to be giving it another try, and Michael tells me that he is too... I just hope he is as excited as I am...

Honestly I can't believe that we are doing this again... I really thought it was over... 3 failed IVF attempts and I was sure that we were destined to just have one (wonderful, fun-loving, sweet) little boy.... who really does fill us with joy. And wanting another one is in no way an indication that we are not greatful for the one we have!!!

So, AF finally showed - although she has slowed down today, but I am confident will be back in full force shortly. So onto the Metformin.... This stuff is awful... It just tears you up from the inside... I feel like I spend more time in the bathroom then I do anywhere else... but unlike before, I am bound and determine to stick with it... I am doing everything I can to make this TTC journey a success!!!

Being over 35 (or right at 35) makes me a little more nervous... but there are plenty who have had the honor of having kids way pass 35 - so I am holding out that hope.....

Gosh - do I really want to start over again with the midnight feedings, diapers, bottles, potty training, etc..... You bet I do!!!

Can She Laugh Again?

Does he know that she lays there with her back to him and tears stream down her face? Does he realize that she just wants him to roll over and hold her, touch her, tell her that he needs her? Do you think he knows how sad she is? Does she hide it well? Does he know that she cries daily and does he wonder what she cries about? I'll tell you....

She cries because she is so worried about becoming like her father that she has become like her father. She concentrated so long on not giving in to the demons that wrecked her childhood that she didn't even see the other demons sneaking up on her. You know the one that her father never showed... the one that ate him up from the inside. She doens't know how to handle that. She never thougth she would have to. She never learned to face that demon.

If she faces it will he be with her through it? Will he love her through the battle? Is he still in love with her? Or does he just love her because of their life that they have shared? Is she imagining this? Is she making this out to be to much? Does she even know how to help herself with out destroying herself in the process?

Is this feeling because of the demons she now holds inside of her, or are they real? Or does it even matter?

She wants to stop crying.... she wants to laugh again... she just never thought she would have to learn how to do that...