And He Is Off....

I just can't believe it... I just can't get it through my thick head!! My baby, my angel, my only child is in Kindergarten!! How did this happen? How did he grow up so quickly and righ before my eyes?? Have I really been blind to it for the last 5 years? I just can't understand this....

After weeks and weeks of him telling us he is NOT going to be in kindergarten and he wants to go back to pre-school, he proudly told me that he was a big boy and he could walk into school all by himself today and didn't need anyone to go with him!!!

WWWWAAAHHHH!!! I started crying right then and there... I didn't even get to pull away from the curb (yes that was another thing - he wanted to be dropped off in the car line - and not walked to the front door) before the tears started flowing!!! And not just a little teary eyed... I was completely blurred. I just can't believe that he is there.. he is so independent and wants to do it all on his own!!!

I am so proud of him!!

I love you Logan!!! Mommy loves you!!!!

Here We Go Again!!

Well, I can't believe it - but after a 3 year hiatus we are back on the TTC track again... I am really excited to be giving it another try, and Michael tells me that he is too... I just hope he is as excited as I am...

Honestly I can't believe that we are doing this again... I really thought it was over... 3 failed IVF attempts and I was sure that we were destined to just have one (wonderful, fun-loving, sweet) little boy.... who really does fill us with joy. And wanting another one is in no way an indication that we are not greatful for the one we have!!!

So, AF finally showed - although she has slowed down today, but I am confident will be back in full force shortly. So onto the Metformin.... This stuff is awful... It just tears you up from the inside... I feel like I spend more time in the bathroom then I do anywhere else... but unlike before, I am bound and determine to stick with it... I am doing everything I can to make this TTC journey a success!!!

Being over 35 (or right at 35) makes me a little more nervous... but there are plenty who have had the honor of having kids way pass 35 - so I am holding out that hope.....

Gosh - do I really want to start over again with the midnight feedings, diapers, bottles, potty training, etc..... You bet I do!!!

Can She Laugh Again?

Does he know that she lays there with her back to him and tears stream down her face? Does he realize that she just wants him to roll over and hold her, touch her, tell her that he needs her? Do you think he knows how sad she is? Does she hide it well? Does he know that she cries daily and does he wonder what she cries about? I'll tell you....

She cries because she is so worried about becoming like her father that she has become like her father. She concentrated so long on not giving in to the demons that wrecked her childhood that she didn't even see the other demons sneaking up on her. You know the one that her father never showed... the one that ate him up from the inside. She doens't know how to handle that. She never thougth she would have to. She never learned to face that demon.

If she faces it will he be with her through it? Will he love her through the battle? Is he still in love with her? Or does he just love her because of their life that they have shared? Is she imagining this? Is she making this out to be to much? Does she even know how to help herself with out destroying herself in the process?

Is this feeling because of the demons she now holds inside of her, or are they real? Or does it even matter?

She wants to stop crying.... she wants to laugh again... she just never thought she would have to learn how to do that...

Not 25 Any longer!!!

Okay - so there comes a point in everyone's life where you just have to accept the fact that you are growing up... not necessarily growing old - just up!!!

Our neighborhood is very close - we all hang out together, cookout on the weekends (or is it grilling?), the kids play - and we are all pretty much around the same age.

Well lo and behold we have a new couple move in - they are young and hip and awesome people.... but that DOES NOT mean that them being young makes anyone else any younger - as much as we would like for it too!!

No - I can no longer chug beer, play Beer Pong or do a Beer Bong.... Accept it Andrea, get over the fact that you want to - you can not do it with out reprecutions!!! And there will be many!!! The fact that you have a 5 year old son to take care of the next day is the main one...

So while I sit back in my chair and watch the table, cups and beer being brought out to the beer garden - I will quietly smile to myself and remember that I WAS that young once before and I WAS able to do all it with out having to worry. That will be my satisfaction now...........not the chugging of 5 beers in a row............. it is sort of sad to see those days go away.............nah... maybe not!!!

Young Republican???

Okay - So I have to share this ... I'm not really sure how I feel about this... I know it is just Logan repeating what he has been told to say... but on some small level it sort of bothers me....
First, a little background.... I am a registered Democrat.... actually if we are being honest - I should be an independent... Politics is not something that I am interested in... and really I am going to vote for who ever I beleive to be the best at the time regardless of politics. Heck I even voted for Bush (Regretting that one now, but felt he was a better choice then Kerry at the time).

Now, Michael's WHOLE family are Republicans... Some much more conservative then others!!! I mean these people LIVE to talk politics... much less now that Michael's dad has passed away, but still the subject comes up pretty regularly... I just excuse myself and walk away.....
SO.... yesterday I pick Logan up from my MIL's house... and the conversation goes like this.

Logan - "Hey mom... I'm voting for John"

Me - Looking confused and thinking this had something to do with school, says "Oh really, why is that?"

Logan - "Because I am a Republican!"

I kind of chuckled and laughed.... but then though... great - what is my MIL planting in his head... he can barely say republican let alone know what it is.... I guess I am going to have to teach him "This Momma is for Obama".... UGH!!!

I love my MIL to death... she is great - but man she drives me crazy sometimes.....

Are They Really A Friend?

So have you ever known this person, been friends with this person - or at least you thougth you were friends with this person and really never understood WHY??? I mean this person irritates you, is rude to you, and just over all thinks they are better then you and knows more then you. But you like this person, you enjoy their company, for the most part. They do have thier redeeming qualities. Although sometimes it is hard to see them when they talk to you like they are talking to their child.

Now normally I can just lash right back at them... tell them they are a *&$%ing idiot and to grow up... but recently it hit me... why should I? Why should I even put up with this shit? I mean, are you REALLY worth it to me... probably not. Life might be a little more dull, a little more lonely without this ONE person around, but really that would be okay.

Does this person really think that belittling everyone around them or talking like they are a know it all to everyone is really what everyone wants to hear. Maybe I should try a different approach. Maybe it is not me at all - but them. Maybe there are issues on their part that I don't know and that it just the way they deal with feeling inferior to others. I know I am not alone in this thought. I know there are others that wonder why we put up with this from this person... So really that makes me think that it is NOT me. But heck, it very well could be.

For now, I will probably just bite my tongue (as much as is possible for me) and let this person go on believing. Let this person go on being the Know it all the wish they were, but boy that day will come when it will crumble all around them - and won't it be nice to sit back a chuckle. And then being the friend that I am step in a console, comfort and laugh with this person... becuase at some point the realization will hit them that people don't like the former them.

For now it is time for me to go ... back for more later!!

The Challenge!!

Well it seems I have been issued a challenge... Am I up for it? Not really sure... I want to be.... I want to conquer this challenge with guns a blazin' and say "Ha!!, I told you I could do it"... The reward is amazing. But it's not just the reward, it is what I will get from the accomplishment of this challenge as well.... that is probably the bigger reward in all this.



But what if I fail? What if I can't do it? What if the accomplishment of this challenge is just to far out there.... Is it okay to fail as long as I get back up and keep trying? Isnt' that normally what they say is the most important part... to keep trying?



I want to try and I want to win... but I'm not sure if the goal that is set is unrealistic... I think it is - but dream that it isn't.... which will win... which will be right?



So for now I have accepted the challenge - I think I worry more about letting the challenger down then actually accomplishing the goal... that would really be the worse in this all... but if I just keep trying, then I guess that is all that matters, right? Right?

Well, I guess I won't know about the failure until I accept the challenge and give it a shot... so I am off to do that... accept it, and convince myself that I can accomplish it - cause I guess if I really wanted to - I would....right? Right?

For now it is time for me to go.... back for more later